Ozzie and Harriet: Music

Ozzie: i'm obsessed with bon iver

Harriet: oh yeah

i only have one song of his

Ozzie: which one

skinny love?

Harriet: blindsided

Ozzie: omg i'm listening to that now

Harriet: hasha

me too!

Ozzie: WHOA

wait, what is hasha?

Harriet: haha

with a typo

studpid

stupid

haha

Ozzie: HAHAHAHAHAA

studpid is a great pet name

Clementine: Insults

Ozzie: do you realize i'm the cutest/smartest/most celibate in the world?

Clementine: celibate?

yes

smartest?

no

Ozzie: hahahahahahahah

Clementine: Pregnancy

Ozzie: hi

Clementine: hiii

Ozzie: i just found out

i'm pregnant

i'm going to name it pillow

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Ozzie and Harriet: Random Thoughts

Harriet: oprah's telling me i'm ugly

Ozzie: you are

Harriet: i'm getting fatter

my cat doesn't care

Ozzie: your cat is a moron

Harriet: why can't pets reciprocate

i pet oscar

why can't he pet me?

selfish

Ozzie: awfully so
...

Harriet: should we go work at the bunny ranch?

Ozzie: yes

Ozzie and Harriet: On Dating

Ozzie: "Yes, people have used 'crazy' to describe me. Usually it's while we're laying in my bed, sweaty and entangled, he'll look over to me and pant in a hushed voice 'you're crazy amazing in bed.'

What about you?"

that is what i got back from the kid i am supposed to have a date with

how do i respond to that?!

Harriet: um

you don't go on a date with him

Ozzie: agreed

And We're Back

Ozzie: what makes you truly happy

Clementine: that's a very deep question

my family

weeping willows

Ozzie: boring

Clementine: strippers

Ozzie: better